This message was one of the emails I sent to my “message and music” list. It got a great response from readers so I decided to add it to the blog. – Rita Lazar
If you need to lose weight, before starting out on your weight loss journey you need to do some introspection: look back at the time in your life you had extra weight, did something good come out of you being overweight? I’m pretty certain there was.
As you think and search for the good things that came out of being overweight in your life you will come across a few. Shocking, isn’t it?
We are told over and over, several times a day, by celebrities selling weight-loss programs on TV, by celebrities selling a “vitamin” or “flat stomach tea” on Instagram, by doctors on TV and in magazines, and by our own doctors, that being overweight is a terrible, terrible thing. But life is complex, no one thing is ever just one thing. Duality is everywhere and everything is actually two things at the same time – good and bad – including being overweight.
When I was an overweight teen and twenty-something, all of my friends were “model size”, and were very popular and always going out all the time. I was way too self-conscious and socially anxious to go out, so I stayed home most of the time, using the partially-true excuse of my parents being too strict.
Those days were sad in a way, and lonely. But as I stayed home I did other things, I read, I imagined, I used my creativity, I wrote, I learned different languages. I feel that I was enriched because of this. I feel I became more interesting – not to others but to myself, which is all that matters. Now when I find myself alone it does not bother me, because I enjoy my own company, which funnily enough, enriches my time with others.
The people in my life as an overweight person also liked me for my personality and my spirit, which was unlike the reasons people flocked to my unfortunate “model-looking” girlfriends. I witnessed all the heartbreak they went through when they were replaced with someone else by their very shallow boyfriends, because their relationships were shallow and built on a shallow foundation of outer physical appearance and sex. Although, I also attracted men that were only interested in sex, it was a more rare occurrence, which I now understand is a tremendous blessing. The other men I attracted were very human men, men who understood that I was in a predicament that I wanted to change, encouraged me, and never made me even feel like I was different or unattractive.
My friendships were also amazing. I had friends that were sympathetic and cared for me and loved me when I was down on myself over my weight. They understood and didn’t take it personally when I didn’t want to go to the beach. They encouraged me and told me they knew I could do it when I did lose weight. If your friends do all of that for you, then you know you are truly and deeply blessed.
The people in my life that did make me feel bad and ugly because of my weight were just bad human beings. They were able to hide their dark side around others, but my being overweight drew it out in the form of judgment or jokes. I knew what they really were, but others that were entangled with them didn’t know until much further down the road when they were finally hurt by them in different and awful ways. Seeing a different side to people from a young age really helped to develop my intuition, and that has served me very well.
So, if you truly want to lose weight, I highly recommend acknowledging, thanking, and honoring being overweight, because I am sure it has granted you some beautiful things in your life. If you’re having trouble losing weight, looking at it from this angle may be what you need to move forward and lose weight, as it is easier to lose weight once we stop the demonizing. And if you want to remain overweight, looking at it this way will also help you get to that place of self-acceptance.
To recap: Yes, being overweight was hard and sad and I felt left out, especially in my youth. But a lot of great things also happened as a result:
1) It made me develop my brain and personality and I and others enjoy those things about myself very much.
2) The men I was involved with loved me for me and not my temporary and fleeting looks. My friends loved me for me, as well.
3) When people showed me their ugly side in response to my weight it gave me a perspective of them that no one else had, and it honed my intuition and ability to sense whether someone was decent or a jerk.
If you’re overweight, I hope you find your own good things that came as a result of it, as I am sure there are several more. And may you enjoy those good things because I know you deserve it. And whether you want to remain at the weight you are now or lose it, I hope you know that you deserve good, too.
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